Two Goats

There were two goats. 

Over a river there was a very narrow bridge. 

One day a goat was crossing this bridge. 

Just at the middle of the bridge he met another goat. 

There was no room for them to pass. 

"Go back," said one goat to the other, "There is no room for both of us". 

"Why should I go back?" said the other goat. "Better you must go back." 

“You must go back", said the first goat, "because I am stronger than you." 

"You are not stronger than I", said the second goat. 

"We will see about that", said the first goat and he put down his horns to fight. 

"Stop!" said the second goat. 

“If we fight, we shall both fall into the river and be drowned and instead I have a plan. I shall lie down and you may walk over me." 

Then the wise one laid down on the bridge and the other goat walked highly over him. 

So they crossed the bridge comfortably and went on their ways. 

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Fact

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The Donkey and The Load of Salt

Once, there lived a peddler. The peddler sold all sorts of goods….sturdy shoes for the farmers and pretty trinkets for their sweethearts, warm, woolly shawls to keep the women warm and sweet, sticky toffees for the children to munch on their way back from school. 

Some days he sold fruits and on other days, kettles. To carry all his wares, the peddler had a donkey. Every morning, the peddler loaded the donkey with his wares. The two would set out and walk from farmhouse to farmhouse, from village to village and from market to market. 

The peddler always walked ahead, whistling merrily as he went. The poor donkey followed, trying as hard as he could to keep up with his master and groaning under the weight of his load. 

Every evening, their wares sold, the peddler and his donkey would wend their way home. The peddler, pleased with the day's takings, would walk ahead, jingling the pennies in his pocket. The poor old donkey would follow, foot sore and weary from carrying the heavy sacks all day long. 

“Ah! My poor feet! Oooh! My aching back!" the donkey moaned every night as he collapsed wearily onto the hay in his stable. 

The old grey cat who shared the stable with the donkey, would shake her head and sigh. 'Poor old donkey,' she would say to herself, and slink off into the night. 

One morning, the peddler loaded the poor donkey with a dozen sacks. The sacks were full of salt and much heavier than the donkey’s usual load. The donkey groaned under the weight, but bore it patiently, as he had always done. 

“I shall make a tidy profit today on this salt.' said the peddler to the donkey, as they set off. 'There is not a woman who does not need to buy salt for her cooking and they will pay me well for this. I shall be a rich man tonight!' 

And the peddler danced a little jig in the middle of the road. The donkey could only think of the heavy load on his back and the long day ahead. 

The donkey plodded along behind the peddler. The sun was now high in the sky. The donkey was hot and tired and longing for a drink of water. Up ahead, he knew, there flowed a stream of cool, sweet water. The donkey hurried towards the stream as fast as his tired legs and the heavy load on his back would allow and leaned over for a drink. The edge of the stream was slippery with mud and slush. The donkey, with the heavy sacks of salt on his back, slipped and fell into the water. 

“Oooh, help! Help!' brayed the donkey in terror, his legs flailing madly in the water. ‘I will surely drown with this terrible load on my back!' 

But suddenly, the donkey felt himself floating, the load on his back gone as if by magic. He clambered out on to the bank and shook himself. Yes! The weight on his back had vanished! 

Of course the sacks were lighter, for the salt had dissolved in the water. But the donkey did not know that. 'At last! A way to rid myself of my burdens,' he thought and brayed with joy at his great discovery. 

That night he told the grey cat all about how he had slipped and fallen into the stream and how, when he had climbed out, his load had become so much lighter. 

“No more heavy loads for me,' declared the donkey, feeling very pleased. 

‘Every time it gets too much for me, all I have to do is to pretend to fall into a stream and my load will lessen by magic!' 

The grey cat shook her head and sighed. 'Poor old donkey.' she said and slunk off into the night. 

Next morning the peddler loaded the monkey again, this time with bales of cloth that he wanted to sell at the next village. Be careful today, old donkey,’ he said as they set off. ‘I did not earn penny yesterday. I must earn double today or we go to bed hungry tonight.' 

The donkey plodded along behind the peddler and groaned under the weight of the cloth. His back ached more than ever and his feet were killing him. He resolved to find a stream as quickly as he could. As luck would have it, the peddler took the same path he had taken the previous day and very soon they came to the same stream. The donkey hurried ahead as though very thirsty and pretending to slip, fell in. He kicked his legs about, making sure the bundle on his back was properly soaked. 

In a moment my burden will vanish." he told himself and kicked about some more. 

But what was happening? Something was wrong! His load, in stead of becoming lighter, had become much heavier and was slowly pulling him deeper into the stream. Of course his burden was heavier, for the water had soaked into the bales of cloth. The poor donkey thrashed about in the water and brayed in terror. 

“Help! Help!' he cried. 

Meanwhile, the peddler had rushed to the stream and bracing himself on the bank, helped the frightened donkey out of the water. 

That night, the donkey was a sad and subdued creature. He had had to carry the much heavier, soaked and dripping bales of cloth all the way home again. His back was truly aching and what was worse, he had caught a cold. He sneezed miserably into the straw. The old grey cat looked at him and sighed. 'Poor old donkey,' he said and slunk off into the night. 

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Memories

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Time

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Taxman Cometh

Taxman Cometh

At  the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent a tax inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.

While the taxman was checking the books, he turned to the  executive of the hospital and said

“I notice you buy a lot of bandages. I imagine there's a lot of wastage there. What do  you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any  use?"

"Good  question," noted the executive. "We save them up and send them back

to the  bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll."

"Oh,"  replied the taxman, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a  practical answer.

However, he was now well mounted on his favourite hobby horse and ready to be critical.“What about all these  plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on  a patient?"

"Ah, yes," replied the executive, who actually hadn't a clue, but rising to the challenge he said, "We  save that too, and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they send us a  free bag of plaster.."

"My, my, an answer for everything!" responded the auditor, who also fancied himself a bit of a wit. "What do you do with all  the remains from the circumcision surgeries?"

"Here, too, we do not  waste," answered the executive. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and  send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete  prick." 

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The Snake and The Foolish Frogs

Once a snake who had grown weak with old age came across a pond where many frogs lived with their king, queen and little prince. The snake had not eaten for many days. He tried to catch some of the frogs, but was too weak to catch any of them. “I will have to think of some solution or I will soon die," the snake thought. 

Just then he saw the frog prince and his friends. They were busy in their game and did not notice the snake. When they came very close, one of them saw the snake and jumped up, “Oh, a snake," he shouted in fear. All of them ran for their lives. But when the snake did not move, the frog prince went up to it. The snake still did not move. “Let me see if he is dead?" said the frog prince and knocked on the snake’s head and jumped away quickly. 

The snake slowly opened its eyes and said, “Do not worry. I will not get angry no matter what you do." 

The frogs were very surprised. “I once bit a sage’s son," explained the snake. “The sage got angry and cursed me that I would carry frogs on my back for the rest of my life." 

Hearing this, the frog prince jumped up with joy. “Then I will ride on your back," he said. So the frog prince jumped on top of the snake and commanded, “Take me to my parents." 

The king and the queen were amazed at the sight. “Father, look, I am riding a snake," shouted the prince. “Let us also ride the snake," the queen urged the frog king. So they all sat on the snake. 

“You are moving very slowly," complained the prince. “What can I do," answered the snake sadly. “I have not eaten for several days." 

“Why have you not eaten? The royal mount should be fast and strong," said the king. 

“I can eat only with your permission," answered the snake. 

“Your subjects are my food." 

“How can I permit you to eat us?" asked the king. 

“Not the royal frogs," explained the snake. “I cannot permit you to eat my subjects," said the frog king. 

The prince was upset and cried. “Father, please permit him. I don’t want to loose him." 

Even the queen spoke up. “Do permit the snake. How many frogs can he eat anyway? We have many subjects." 

At last the king had to grant permission. The snake began to eat many frogs every day. Soon he was very strong and healthy. Now, he moved very quickly. The prince was thrilled to ride a snake that moved so fast. 

One day the snake went to the frog king. “I am hungry O king. There are no more frogs left in the pond. So now I am going to cat you all." 

And the wicked snake pounced on all the three royal frogs and ate them up. 

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A Polite Way to Call Someone a Bastard

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole  when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him The first said that he usually played alone,  but agreed to the  twosome.

They were even after the first few holes.  The  second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about  playing for five bucks a hole?" The first guy said that  he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the  terms.

The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with  ease.

As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy  was busy counting his $80.00.  He confessed that he  was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on  suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the  Parish  Priest.

The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return  the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and  I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your  winnings."

The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up  to  you?" The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday  and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry  them.  

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The Lazy Dreamer

Once, in a small village, there lived a poor Brahmin. He was very learned, but did nothing all day. He lived on the alms the villagers gave him every day. 

One day, as usual, the Brahmin got up in the morning, performed his morning rituals and set out to beg for alms. As he went from door to door, people gave him several things. Some gave dal. Others gave him rice and yet others gave him vegetables. But one generous lady gave the Brahmin a large measure of flour. 

“Ah! What good luck. I will not have to beg for alms for a long time," thought the Brahmin to himself. 

He went home and cooked his lunch. After he had eaten, the Brahmin put the flour into a large mud pot and hung it near his bed. “Now, it will be safe from rats," he said to himself as he lay down in his cot for an afternoon nap. 

He began to think, “I will save this flour until there is a famine. Then I will sell it at a very good price. With that, I will buy a pair of goats. Very soon, I will have a large flock of goats. With their milk, I will make more money. Then I will buy a cow and a bull. Very soon I will also have a large herd of cows. Their milk will fetch me a lot of money. I will become very wealthy. I will build for myself, a huge palace and get married to a beautiful woman... Then we will have a little son. I will be a proud father. In a few months my son will start crawling. He will be mischievous and I will be very worried that he may come to some harm. I will call out to my wife to take care of him. But she will be busy with house work and will ignore my call. I will get so angry. I will kick her to teach her a lesson like this..." 

The Brahmin threw out his leg up. His foot hit the pot of flour hanging overhead and it came down with a resounding crash, spilling the flour all over the dirty floor. The lazy Brahmin realised that his foolishness and vanity had cost him a precious measure of flour. The laziness and foolishness taught him a lesson. Thereafter he lived an active life which took to heights. 

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Twenty Pounds

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for £20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly £1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over £2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over £3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut...

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The Donkey Who Would Sing

A wild donkey once lived in the woods. He had no friends and lived all alone. 

One day a jackal passing by saw the donkey. He went up to the donkey and said, “What is the matter? Why do you look so sad my dear fellow?" 

The donkey turned to the jackal and said, “I have no friends and am very lonely." 

“Well, don't worry. I will be your friend from today," the jackal comforted him. 

From that day, the donkey and jackal became very good friends. They were always seen together. 

One moonlit evening, the jackal and the donkey were strolling through the woods. It was a cool and pleasant evening. As they walked on, they came to the outskirts of a village bordering the woods. There in front of them was a grove of fruit trees. 

“Ah. Look! How wonderful and delicious the fruits look," said the donkey. “Let’s eat some of them." 

“Okay," said the jackal. “But let’s do it very quietly." 

They entered the grove and silently started to eat the fruits. After eating enough, they lay under a tree happy and content. “That was delicious, but there is something missing tonight," said the donkey. 

“What is that?" asked the jackal. “Why, music of course," answered the donkey, looking a little surprised. 

The jackal asked, “Where are we going to get music from?" The donkey said. “Don’t you know that I am an accomplished singer?" 

The jackal was alarmed. "Remember, we are in an orchard. If the farmer hears us, we will be in trouble. If you want to sing let us go away from here," he advised the donkey. 

"You think I can't sing, don't you?" asked the donkey in a hurt voice. 

“Wait till you hear me." 

The jackal realised that the donkey was not willing to take his good advice. He moved away and hid himself behind a clump of trees. The donkey threw back his head and started his song. “He …haw, hee-haw," he brayed aloud. 

The farmers hearing the loud braying came rushing with sticks and gave the foolish donkey a severe beating that left the donkey feeling sore all over. 

After the farmers had left, the jackal went over to his friend. He said. “Is this the prize you won for your singing?" 

“They don’t appreciate good music," replied a hurt and ashamed donkey. 

The jackal replied. “This is what happens when you don’t listen to the advice given by a good friend. I hope you have learnt a lesson."

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God Bless British generosity

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter Scale has hit Pakistan.
Two million Pakistanis have died and over a million are injured.

The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock.

The USA is sending troops to help.

Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

Latin American countries are sending supplies.

New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

The Asian continents are sending labor to assist in rebuilding infrastructure.

Australia is sending medical teams and supplies.

Britain, not to be outdone, is sending two million Pakistanis as replacements…

God Bless British generosity

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New Definitions (LOL)

--Atom Bomb: ...... An invention to end all inventions.
--Boss:............... Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
--Cigarette: .............. A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.
--Classic: ............... A book which people praise, but do not read.
--Committee:............. Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
--Compromise: .......... The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
--Conference Room: .. A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
--Criminal: ............ A guy no different from the rest except that he got caught.
--Dictionary: ............ A place where success comes before work.
--Diplomat: ............ A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
--Doctor: ............. A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

--Etc.: .............. A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
--Experience: ............ The name men give to their mistakes.
--Father: ............. A banker provided by nature.
--Lecture: ............. An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
--Miser: .............. A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
--Office: .............. A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
--Philosopher: ......... A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
--Smile: .............. A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
--Tears: .............. The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
--Yawn: .............. The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

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Modal (and Semi-Modal) Verbs

MODALS

Quando falamos em Modais (modals), frequentemente algumas confusões são feitas, seja por uma metodologia ruim, um professor ruim, um entendimento ruim ou todas as anteriores.

Muitas vezes ouvi aulas onde "will" e "would" são tratados especificamente como modais e o "to be" era ignorado como modal. É...é sim, de verdade! Em outro momento vamos falar deles com propriedade.

Os Modal Verbs (verbos modais) são uma classe, digamos uma família especial na Língua Inglesa.
São também chamados de Modal Auxiliary Verbs, Finite Verbs, Defective Verbs ou Anomalous Verbs. 
Servem para expressar uma probabilidade ou resultado esperado (likelihood), uma habilidade (ability), uma permissão (permission), ou uma obrigação (obligation).

O termo "modal" é até usado na Língua Portuguesa e, assim como nessa família, indica uma "modalidade". 
Mas o nome surgiu mesmo porque de acordo com o que queremos expressar, eles demonstram nosso humor (mood) ao exprimir uma frase....Bugou? hehehe...
Bom, eles não dizem se estamos felizes, irritados ou cansados, mas expressam uma ação de maneira diferente. Vou dar uns exemplos de onde eles "mudam de humor".

- John must do the exercises right now! (O John deve fazer os exercícios imediatamente!). Indica uma obrigação.

- John must be tired after a long day! (O John deve estar cansado depois de um dia longo!) Indica uma possibilidade razoável.

- John can drive my car. (O John pode dirigir meu carro) Indica que dei ao John a permissão de dirigir meu carro.

- John can drive any car. (O John sabe dirigir qualquer carro). Indica uma habilidade que o John possui.

Características:

1) Sem dúvida a principal característica dos Modal Verbs é que eles "agem sozinhos" para flexionar as frases nas formas Positiva, Negativa, Interrogativa e Interrogativa+Negativa, ou seja, não precisam usar um verbo auxiliar (Auxiliary Verb) como "do", "did", "does", etc como todos os outros verbos (à exceção do To Be) nos Simple Present Tenses e nos Simple Past Tenses. Vejamos:

- He could go to the beach with us. (Ele poderia ir à praia conosco)
- He couldn't go to the beach with us. (Ele não poderia ir à praia conosco)
- Could he go to the beach with us? (Ele poderia ir à praia conosco?)
- Couldn't he go to the beach with us? (Ele não poderia ir à praia conosco?)

2) Outra coisa que é peculiar dos Modais é que não usamos o "to" ou o "ing" para indicar o infinitivo ou os tempos contínuos (conhecidos como gerúndios).

Portanto:
Correto: CAN, COULD, MUST, etc. Exemplo: I can go home.
Incorreto: TO CAN, TO COULD, TO MUST, etc. Sem exemplo!
Impossível sob qualquer circunstância possível e imaginável: CANNING, COULDING, MUSTING, etc...Exemplo? Nem pense numa coisa dessas!

3) 3ª Pessoa do Singular "he", "she" e "it". Apesar de serem verbos, os modais não recebem o S peculiar à terceira pessoa do singular como acontece com os verbos regulares e irregulares. Veja:
CORRETO: - He can carry the bags. (Ele pode carregar as malas)
INCORRETO: - He cans carry the bags.

Quais são os Modais?:

De forma geral, podemos classificar essa família em três grupos:

1) Os Diretos: São os que tem uma tradução:

CAN - Poder
COULD - Poderia, Podia
MAY - Poder
MIGHT - Poder, Poderia, Podia
MUST - Dever
SHOULD - Deveria

*Observe que essas são traduções primárias. Dentro de cada tópico é possível ver distintos significados e usos.

2) Os Indiretos: Que além de Modais são Condicionais (Conditionals) e requerem um verbo para tomar significado:

WILL
WOULD
SHALL

3) Os Semi-Modais: Os que não são propriamente Modais em essência, mas ajudam os acima quando não queremos usá-los mas não podemos e que são mais comuns como Main Verbs (Verbos Principais):

DARE
HAVE TO
OUGHT TO
NEED
TO BE

(clique em cada um para ver seus significados e usos)

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