The Psychiatrist and Proctologist

The Psychiatrist and Proctologist  

  

Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading: "Dr.Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology." 
The town council was not happy with the sign; so, the doctors changed it to "Hysterias and Posteriors." 
This was not acceptable either; so, in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." No go. 
Next they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down again. 
Then came "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives." Still no good. 
Another attempt resulted in "Minds and Behinds." Unacceptable. 
So they tried "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." No way. 
"Analysis and Anal Cysts?" Nope. 
"Nuts and Butts?" Uh uh. 
"Freaks and Cheeks?" Still no go. 
"Loons and Moons?" Forget it. 
Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with:   

"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."
Everyone loved it !!!!!

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The bronze rat

The bronze rat

A bloke from the bush walked into a Sydney antique shop.

After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway.

He took it to the owner and said: 'How much is this bronze rat?' The owner replied: 'It's $12 for the rat, and $100 for the story'

The fellow gave the owner his $12 and said: 'I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story!'

As he walked off down the street, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the drains and begun following him.

This was a little disconcerting, so he started to walk a little faster, but within a couple of blocks the swarm of rats had grown to hundreds, and they were all squealing and screeching in a very menacing way.

He increased his speed and ran on towards Sydney Harbour and as he ran, he looked behind him and saw the rats now numbered in their MILLIONS, and they were running faster and faster.

By now very concerned, he ran down to the pier and threw the bronze rat as far out into the water as he could. Amazingly, the millions of real rats jumped into the water after it and were all drowned.

The man walked back to relate all this to the shop owner, who said, 'Ah, you've come back for the story then?'

'Shit no!' said the bloke, 'I came back to see if you've got a bronze Muslim, a couple of Asians, a Kiwi and an Indian spin bowler.

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